It's not just Californians that have all the fun. The "lifestyle" - or sexually liberated couples, married couples and singles - is gaining more than a few converts on the East Coast (shoot, everywhere). It will be interesting to see, as the movement grows, if there is a political backlash from those eager to protect the "sanctity of marriage." My guess is that no matter what, the lifestyle is here to stay -- that is, according to some swingers I know.
For those of you who have had little contact with these folks (that you know about), you might be in for a surprise. Swingers have a well-established set of cultural mores that have evolved in the movement. These are internal checks on the possibility of things messing up for people as they enter into and - eh hem - enjoy the activities. Apparently, for example, swingers are very careful to gauge your level of comfort--especially the novices.
In fact, you'd be surprised that - in some sense - infidelity is almost non-existent among them. Unless you consider tupping someone else's wife in front of your wife unfaithful. But for those in the lifestyle, fidelity is where the heart lies, or where the team is (the couple). The rest is just play (hopefully safe play). There is no need to do anything clandestine.
Lifestyle adherants like honesty and want neither bullshit nor drama. They know who they're going to wake up beside--hell, even who they're going to have kids with. But they have found that instead of marriage being a crucible of sexual energy headed for meltdown, it can be a means of mutual exploration, deepening trust, and a way to make good friends.
Strangely, these folks have found a way to eat their cake and have it too. Well, there is a price: surely they have to get over feelings of jealousy and territoriality. Granted, for most of us, this sounds just too difficult. We'd rather feel frustrated that we can't get a little taste of the secretary than live with the knowledge that the apple-of-our-eye is hungrily staring down another dude's big cyclops in our presence. Even if the other guy's darling one is whispering sweet nothings to the base of your manhood (or whatever).
(Note: I realize few men would have too much of a problem if their cuties were eager to drink from the fairy cup.)
But hey, these free spirits have found a weird sort of compromise that helps them to avoid the pitfalls of marriage, aka--humanity's baser instincts locked in the Judeo-Christian manacles of self-deception. Funny, the ones I've met all seem strangely at peace.
(Note: I also realize there are a lot of women secretly sitting at the center of the sexual continuum.)
(Note: I realize I'm writing this for a primarily hetero audience, so if you're a gay male, please forgive my ignorance on matters of gay swinging.)
(Note: Stossel is suppose to do, or have done, a story on this for ABC.)
